Friday, 21 July 2017

Trump FINALLY Acknowledges Global Warming, Proposes Radical Solution

In an unprecedented move, Donald Trump has gone back on one of his most notorious allegations. After spending his entire campaign denying the existence of global warming, he has finally admitted it might have some bearing in reality. He delivered the unexpected announcement, unsurprisingly, through Twitter. It attracted millions of users when he posted the following message to his Twitter feed.

"Went out on the golf course, and it was 2 degrees higher than yesterday. Global Warming is a thing after all."

"I never said that climate change wasn't real," Trump said to a reporter asking about his previous claims. When confronted with a recording of himself denying the existence of global warming, Trump insisted that it was fake. "There is no way a man with my talents would ever believe such a stupid claim. It's not just a hoax. China really is trying to heat up the planet and we need to stop them!"

Trump still refuses to re-enter the Paris Agreement, claiming that America is fully capable of resolving the crisis on its own. He then proceeded to spend an hour arguing with his entire cabinet as he tried to figure out a new solution. Audiences were amazed at the press conference the following day, where Trump proposed his new solution.

"The oceans are warming up and melting ice," Trump said to the press. "We need to find a way to make them cold again. When you have a hot drink, you dump ice cubes into it. Clearly the most effective way to stop global warming is more ice."

Trump's press conference, where he made the shocking acknowledgement of Global Warming

When asked by a member of the press for information on how Trump planned to carry this out, he had this to say:

"It's very simple. We are going to make some really, REALLY large blocks of ice, and then we're going to dump 'em into the ocean. I think the whole thing should cost around $42,000."

It was after this that Trump was bombarded with questions about how he planned to obtain the large ice cubes and how he was going to "dump them" into the ocean. He refused to answer any of these but maintained he had "top people" working on it.

Meanwhile, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has expressed skepticism towards Trump's idea, stating "Global warming is not that simple. Freezing the ocean isn't going to stop it." Trump retorted by saying on his Twitter feed that Trudeau needs to "learn astronomy" and "stop being such a baby."